Goodbye David!

Today we say a bittersweet farewell to a delicious little boy, David Ndogo - who has returned home to his bibi (grandmother) and aunt. They had originally hoped to take him home in January, when I was over in Tanzania, but various legal hurdles had to be... hurdled... so it took until now. Better late than never! 

David with his bibi (left) and aunt

It's sad for us because we will miss his sweetness, his funny faces, and his cuddles - and yes, even his tantrums - but good because it is always nice for a family to be reunited. As I mentioned briefly in our last post, we are working this summer on a pilot project which will hopefully prevent these types of situations from occurring in the first place - where there is a loving family that simply cannot afford to adequately care for the child. We'll be running basic business classes and distributing small grants to help families in similar situations get on their feet and keep their children.

Mango mouth

When we first met

Christmas David

HOW do you fall asleep on a moving carousel??

Kissing the girls and making them cry

Showing off his teeth!

Happy dance!

And speaking of a happy dance, I have no IDEA what he was doing in this video, but it was closer to a breakdance than anything else.

We will miss you, little man! 

In other news, Zawadi, Neema, Ester, Miriam and Maureen are all in underwear now (Thanks Amy for the update!) - VERY exciting progress, since there's still another nine kids in diapers. Every bit helps! So proud of how grown up they're getting, but very, very sad not to be there to see it. 47 days and counting every second till I get to hold them again.

In honor of Lewis John Williams

UPDATE: We are so honored to announce that over £600 has been donated in honor of Lewis John William's life. The funds will be going towards Project Education, and will fund almost a full year of schooling for Andrea, Abdulli, David, or Pendo. We are still looking for long term sponsors for everyone but Pendo - please get in touch if you are interested in changing a child's life! Thank you endlessly to Jordan, her nan, and everyone who contributed. You've created a beautiful legacy.

Jordan with Franky last year

A wonderful former volunteer and friend of The Small Things and the orphanage kids named Jordan has been hit hard by the death of her grandfather this week. However, she has been comforted by a generous gesture that her grandmother has chosen to make - instead of flowers or gifts, they have asked for donations, which will be split between The Small Things and the British Heart Association. We are honored by their generosity, and so happy that Jordan was able to so clearly communicate her love and passion for these children to the people around her. Here are some of her recollections about him:

My Grandad's name is Lewis John Williams and he was 85 years old when he died on April 7th , suddenly but peacefully at home with my Grandma. He was called John his whole life to family and friends. To me he was 'Dad', we think I picked it up from my Mum when I was little and it just stuck.


I can't really sum up what he was like; I would be writing forever. He was the best Grandfather anyone could wish for; I have memories of being driven to the park near my grandparents home where he would let me play for hours and hours. We used to go to Bournemouth when I was younger twice a year and he would spend so much money letting me play on all the rides and play all the games on the pier and never complained once. My grandparents never forget Christmas cards, birthday cards, Easter cards, good luck cards before exams, well done cards for when I passed the exams and Valentines day cards. They would be on time every single year without fail. He used to tell me stories (completely ridiculous and made up) about how he was best friends with the Queen and I would make him tell them over and over. He also used to take me swimming when I think he hated it, as I used to make him ride the rubber ring ride forgetting he was over 70. I could go on forever, and I think I've gotten a bit carried away! But basically, as a Grandad, he was so loved and adored by both my sister and myself, and I will always remember the memories he has given me and never ever forget him. I know he's around all the time anyways.


As a person, he would do anything for anyone. He loved my Grandmother and looked after her and they had so much fun, they were always laughing together about the silliest things; and the main thing about my Grandad, I know this, and many people have said, that he was ALWAYS laughing, making jokes, and not one of his friends has ever seen him in a mood. He was always smiling and couldn't do enough for anyone who needed help. He has lived in the same place for his whole life, except for the periods of time in his life where he travelled, and has therefore made hundreds of friends who will all miss him dearly.


As a Grandad, he would worry about my sister and I unnecessarily. He was especially worried when I decided to go to Tanzania for two months last year, and even though I know my grandparents didn't want me to go, he was always so happy to hear the stories and to see pictures of all the kids. And true to the way my Grandad was, he would be so happy to know that he might be able to help them in any way. My Grandmother deciding to split donations from his funeral between a heart charity and The Small Things would have made him happy and is so very appropriate considering it was his nature to help anyone he could, even if it was just a small gesture.

John and Jordan

I don't know what else to say other than I love my Granddad very much, I'm so proud of him, and I am so very lucky to have grandparents like I do. My heart goes out to the kids at the orphanage when I think about how lucky I am to have someone like my Granddad in my life, but then I remember that they all have each other, and all of us volunteers and the Mamas who love them just as much. And I hope that whatever the amount is donated will help the children, even just a little, in whatever way possible. I know my Granddad would hope so too.

We're so grateful for the beautiful gesture, and our hearts are with Jordan at this difficult time. This is what The Small Things is about, connecting the amazing web of people who care about this children to work together on their behalf. This is a fantastic example of that web being not JUST about people who have met the kids in person, but those who have fallen in love with them by proxy, through stories, photos, and videos. We're so grateful for all those members of the Nkoaranga extended family, and we wish peace and comfort to Jordan and her family.

Defining Family

Loveness cuddling Gracie

As someone with an obvious vested interest in African orphanages, I've been following the situation in Rwanda with fascination. Essentially, the government is in the first stages of implementing a closure of all the country's orphanages, with the children being returned to extended family or placed into foster homes. One of the most interesting facets of the coverage has been hearing from the orphanage children themselves.

While many of us might instinctively applaud the idea of putting children back into families rather than institutionalized care, there are some serious problems with using this model in Sub-Saharan Africa. In almost all cases, extended families that are able and willing to care for orphaned children do so from day one. The fact that children have ended up in an orphanage indicates that this is not an option for their families. As we discuss on our meet the kids page, placing a child in an orphanage is never an easy decision for surviving family members, nor is it undertaken lightly - however, it is often the better choice for their long term well-being. I think we can all agree that if there were safe, stable, and financially secure foster or adoptive homes for all of the children, there would be no issue. The fact is that too many families in East Africa are simply unable to open their homes to another child. Shunting children into families that are unable to care for them adequately unfortunately does nothing but encourage resentment and neglect.

At Nkoaranga, before the formation of The Foundation For Tomorrow, which helps us place the children in high quality boarding schools when they age out of the orphanage, children used to be returned to their extended families at the age of five, or shuffled into orphanages for older children. Mama Pendo, who has run the orphanage for twenty two years, told us that she could no longer do that after spending years following up on the kids and finding far too many unhealthy, neglected, and sometimes abused. Families that are able to care for the children are always encouraged to bring them home - but forcing children onto families that are unable or unwilling to care for them is deeply unsafe and unfair for all involved.

Many of the Rwandan children interviewed expressed deep trepidation over the impending move. Not only are they uncertain of the reception they will receive, but they are deeply troubled at the idea of being separated from their effective brothers and sisters, the orphanage "families" that have been their support system for so many years. At the Noel Nyundo Orphanage, Rwanda's oldest and largest facility, "A boy stood and suggested they remain at the center until they finish school, and his fellow orphans laughed and applauded. Another boy said he grew up at the center, and he doesn’t want to leave his home. 'We grew up all together,' he said. 'We are little brothers, and big brothers. We should stay together.'"

Pendo, Farajah, and David

This particular section of the article struck a deep chord for me. One of the things that has captured my heart about Nkoaranga from day one is the deep bond the children and mamas have. Most of the children have been with us since they were infants, and they truly do grow up as siblings, with all of the love, loyalty, and drama that entails! The staff truly take the mantle of mamas seriously. When David Kubwa and Pray were trapped in a fire in the orphanage baby room several years ago, it was only the intervention of Mama Cantate that saved their lives. She incurred serious burn injuries of her own in the process. The mamas deeply, deeply love these children, and they love each other. If that's not what makes a family, what does?

And happy, healthy Pray now

Baby Pray just after the fire

This isn't to say that there aren't serious problems with institutionalized care for children - as you well know, development can be seriously delayed by lack of sufficient interaction. I'm just not sure that forced reintegration is the best way to handle it. From our end, we're working on hiring more staff. In the meantime, I will continue to watch the progress in Rwanda with hope that the children can be safely integrated back into their families. But my heart will continue to hurt for those children who will be leaving the only families they have ever known, and I hope that they will remain brothers through it all.

Don't forget to check out Project Skydive - some amazing volunteers jumping out of a plane for the kids they love! We're raising funds to hire more amazing staff to add to the Nkoaranga family, as well as to get started on funding the beautiful children who will be heading to school in January of 2013. Thanks for your support!

Mama Afrika and Mama Ezra

The last few days have been pretty wonderful, albeit a tad stressful. On Saturday, a group of seven volunteers, one Mama, and a hospital driver piled into a car with fifteen of the older orphanage kids - from Pray and Simoni upwards - to go see the Mama Afrika circus, which I can state pretty confidently was a comprehensive success. The kids were incredibly excited, loved just getting out into the city - I think they had as much fun waving to the drivers and talking about everything we passed on the road as they did at the circus itself, not that I minded - and have spent the last few days compulsively and constantly trying to replicate everything they saw. Several have announced very seriously their intentions to join the "Cirakasse" when they're older. Frankly, I don't blame them, it was a lot of fun!

Farajah is rapt, Andrea is... something. Falling asleep?

The whole crew - dressed in their best school clothes for the trip

We had one slight hitch in the whole process, and I have to say, it was completely hysterical, as bad as I felt at the time. In one act, a woman went up in what was essentially a large hula hoop and did various acrobatic things in and around it - nothing particularly death defying. However, Simoni absolutely LOST it, and started crying hysterically, terrified that the girl was going to get hurt. He couldn't watch the whole act and only recovered when dancers came on for the next act - and, ok, when I went to get him popcorn to distract him.

Simoni's greatest fear

However, for some reason, he had recovered his confidence enough by the second half that he was fine with the - much more terrifying, in my opinion - flying circus men, as featured in the video below. You should note, though, that he still flew back about a foot (on my lap, directly into my face, as fate had it), when they whirled in our direction.

Then, as though that wasn't enough excitement for one day, when we arrived home the family of one of the hospital doctors were setting up the birthday party of their daughter to share with the orphanage kids, which is apparently a tradition they partake in every year, and the kids were thrilled. So to recap, circus all day, special junk food for dinner, and cake to finish it all off - not a bad Saturday!

In their pretty little party hats

The birthday girl (center) sharing her spotlight

On Sunday, Bethan and I went to the house of one of the kids who goes to the orphanage school but is not an orphan himself, named Ezra. His family also owns a store on the corner that we frequently frequent, so to speak, and they invited us to the house for a home cooked meal and a taste of rural Tanzanian life. Ezra and his brother Felix led us through three kilometers of jungle, sometimes on dirt roads and sometimes on single person paths, through villages hidden in the jungle that I never knew existed so close to us, before we arrived at their gorgeous house. The location was just incredibly, the food was delicious, and the kids incredibly sweet - their oldest, Magdalena, was adopted from Nkoaranga orphanage as a baby, so they have close ties to the organization going way back.

Ezra (on my lap) ate more than I've ever witnessed a child that size consume, and then proudly showed off his bulging belly - I'm convinced the kid has a hollow leg because there's no WAY that much food is in the stomach alone. To be fair, he's a total live wire, spent the whole trip running ahead then dashing back, so probably ended up covering twice to three times as much ground as we did, in addition to skipping, jumping, running, and swinging his way along. A sweet, wonderful, active, healthy, five year old with a loving family - always a pleasure.

Final preparations are obviously commencing for operation parents, including (sadly) banishing my wonderful cat Paka from the house so that it can be scoured of her hair so as not to kill my lovely father. Sad, but she will be fine - she lived outside before I came and frequently stays out all night anyway, she will just miss the cuddles. Other than that, all appears to be going to plan (knock on wood) - so we shall see how the next few days go! I had my first good cry last night - at 3 am on the phone with my long-suffering father - about how much it's going to hurt to leave, as that tsunami is just beginning to wash over me. I'm trying not to let it overwhelm the pleasure of the time I have left, and that is my goal for the next to weeks. To live them, to get as much out of them and the kids and my friends as I can, so that I can leave with no (ok, with as few as possible) regrets.

A big part of that is going to be thanks to all of you who have contributed medical supplies, either directly or through the wish list, to help make sure that we leave these kids with the best possible care. That includes

Meghan Sellars

Rachel and Andy Hechtman
Maura Casey
Michele Abrams and Dalton King
Priscilla Jencks
Rick and Anne Calvert
Ruth and David Sack
Patty Harris & David Bolinsky
Rita Goldberg and Oliver Hart
Susie and Ed Brubaker
Ben Kahn
Eve Robinson
Sally and Michael Laden
Cynthia and David Damer
Amy and Steve Eppler-Epstein
Joanna and Brad Waley-Cohen

I am honored to have you all in my life! Thank you, thank you, thank you again.

P minus 7 days

That's right, the lovely David and Dorothy will be arriving exactly a week from today, and I am very excited - trying desperately to stay focused on being excited about that rather than thinking about the fact that it means I am three weeks away from leaving my babies. So instead let's not think or talk about that at all, kay? The kids are mostly doing wonderfully - Z is standing on her own (albeit for only a few seconds before toppling!), the toddlers are all utterly fascinated by mirrors, and the good health kick seems to be continuing for now, although the toddlers have been wracked by a prodigious outbreak of ringworm - their hair is all falling out in little circular clumps, which I guess is ok since they shave every few months anyway. Not beautiful, and not fun to get the antifungal on squirming kidlets twice a day.

Movie star Neema practicing her pout

Sweetheart Maureen giving a kiss

Simoni thinks the whole thing is hysterical

And Zawadi being her cheeky self, as usual.

Standing alone for the first time! With the inexplicable but omnipresent shoes on the hands... don't ask me.

However, I'm NOT thrilled with the way the school kids looked upon returning to the orphanage a few days ago - they come here first and then Mama Pendo brings them individually to their homes and checks on all the conditions before leaving them. After only four months, some of these kids had lost significant amounts of weight, and all complained that there was never enough food and they were beaten all the time, and most said they disliked school because of it. These are five and six year old children, GOOD kids, not just the ones who are mischievous - all reported being beaten regularly. So that's absolutely not ok, and I'm getting in touch with several people to see whether this is something that's fixable at the school or whether we need to look for another school for at least Ericky and Steven, both of whom are being sponsored by family and friends of myself and other current volunteers (thanks Rita!).

Immanuel at Christmas

Immanuel now, all his clothes falling off

I also spent yesterday with the palliative care team, since my parents will be working primarily with them, which was... quite an eye opener. The team consists of three women with minimal medical training, overseeing another thirty volunteers in the villages, taking care of over 700 patients, with conditions ranging from cancer, to HIV, to diabetes (which is a terminal condition here) to children without caretakers in dire poverty. They are provided with medication, but it is drastically inadequate - tramadol, which is a medicine commonly used for back pain, is the most extreme painkiller they have available, even for women like the one pictured below. Her cancer is covered by her scarf, and out of respect I'm not going to post the uncovered picture, but it is about the size of a cantaloupe and visibly open and painful, distorting at least half of her face - and all they can offer is tramadol.

Using an antiquated BP machine - in most cases the only care they can provide with current equipment

Meanwhile, these patients clearly cannot work and often have been abandoned by their families (especially HIV patients), and so lack even a few thousand shillings, a dollar or less, to buy soap and disinfectant. Meanwhile, the women running the program, who are in no way, shape, or form wealthy themselves, scrape up a few shillings from their own pockets in almost every home to help them out. Even more heartbreaking, if that's possible, was the diabetic patient we saw - apparently maximum life expectancy for diabetics is about 30 years here, and the hospital owns a single glucometer, which they do not lend to the palliative care team - so the team goes out into the village and is unable to even test the sugar of the patients, and instead must try to evaluate their condition from their reports of pain, etc. Cancer and HIV are often killers even with the best care, but to see such an easily treatable condition taking lives is deeply upsetting. I am hoping that we can help formalize the structure of their program, donate some supplies, and then work on raising some money to help support their work, as they are currently almost completely unsupported, internally or externally, and run by local volunteers.

Just what I need, another big project I want to get involved with weeks before I leave...It's all worth it though, and I WILL be back.

Birthday!

Today was a very long, and in many ways very wonderful day. From the mundane to the sublime:

So many blondes!

Last night I had a lovely evening with the girls I volunteer with - an Italian friend who works at the restaurant took over a corner of the kitchen and cooked up the most incredibly delicious handmade pasta I have ever eaten - if I had to choose a last meal, that would definitely be in the running! Later Giulia and the girls surprised me with a cake, and we had a really nice night celebrating - although a bittersweet one since the party doubles as a goodbye to Giulia, who leaves next week.

In my jewelry classes, things are coming along beautifully - we now have more than two full racks worth of jewelry, and have a few retail opportunities to pursue. I'm learning more Swahili from my adult student Elizabeth, and the girls continue to keep me endlessly impressed and entertained.

My "mature" student Elizabeth working.

Rack of metalwork

Rack of beading

At the orphanage, our projects are progressing beautifully - the chicken coop is up and running with six chickens, two of whom are of laying age, and the kids are thrilled - Zawadi even said "kuku!"All has gone smoothly, with the exception of one brief prison-break that necessitated a fence hop that resulted in a large rip across my derriere and a pulled down shirt for much of the afternoon, much to the amusement of the kids! Very exciting. Zawadi has actually been doing much better in the last week or two - possibly since the worms were taken care of - she now has several words, including chakula (food), asante (thank you), and now kuku (chicken), and she's even considering the possibility of walking. Today was wonderful, our great kid volunteers Abby and Jacob, along with their parents John and Sue, made me an adorable birthday card, and the kids spent all day saying variations of happy birthday Bekka, including merry Christmas Bekka and you're pretty Bekka, neither of which I objected to at all!

My stunning Abby-creation

The first of the six captives

Helping get the space ready

Ok, sort of helping!

And the best news saved for last - today a man who came to Tanzania with a missionary trip three years ago and just kind of never left showed up at the hospital because he had heard that we were looking to drill a well, and he happens to own a drilling rig and wants to do it for us for free - we pay only for the materials, essentially halving our costs, and ensuring that we will be able to make it happen, and soon! Of course, this being Africa, the survey company's equipment failed yesterday and we don't know yet when they will be back to finish the final piece of work before drilling can start - but this is an incredibly exciting development, and means we may even (knock wood) have a little money left over to put towards school funds, food, playground renovations (cough cough deathslide cough), etc. All in all, the best birthday gift I could have asked for.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been so generous, especially my incredible parents, brother, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and the five Daves - and also to the, in a way, even more amazing donations from total strangers, you are truly amazing people and I can't thank you enough. I wish I could be home and here at the same time... hey, entire extended family and network of friends, how do you feel about blackouts, hot weather and really cute babies? And really, really expensive airfare?

I have the world's best, and possibly craziest, family

And I couldn't be, or feel, luckier. Thanks Mel and the rest of the crazy crew. And yes, I'm informed those ARE stuffed turkey hats.

Pictures and tales from Holland and Switzerland thus far

For the sake of those of you who don't feel the need to see and read about this part of the trip, a single picture of me in front of the Amsterdam canals will probably suffice. Much, much more after the jump

Planes, trains and canals

I'm writing right now from Switzerland, the fourth country I've been in in the last three days. My flight from JFK was blessedly uneventful, although I barely slept and have been battling complete and utter exhaustion for the last few days. I got all my tools and equipment through to Amsterdam, though, and was able to stick my huge bags in a luggage locker there, so since Friday morning I have just been using my handbag, albeit stuffed to the brim. I expected to spend the first day by myself in Amsterdam, since my cousin Aline couldn't meet me until 5pm - however, on the way out of the airport I met a confused looking American dude my age muttering and staring perplexedly at the bus boards. His name was Josh, I rescued him from giving up and trying to walk into Amsterdam from the airport, which would have been an interesting 3 hour hike, and we hung out together for the majority of the day - more details and pictures later. At around three we split for him to find a hostel and me to go to the train station to head to Utrecht to meet Aline.

Utrecht was unexpectedly gorgeous, and we had a great day on Saturday exploring the city - again, details and pictures to follow. Then last night she loaded me on the overnight train to Basel, which trundled through Germany on the way, technically giving me my fourth country in as many days. Now I am with my lovely Swiss family, and apart from utterly embarrasing myself by falling asleep in public, all has gone smoothly.  Soon I will get pictures up and talk more, but for now, I am alive and successfully through to Basel! Onwards and upwards!

Beginning goodbyes

Yep, this captures us pretty much perfectly.

This is my family. I'm pretty sure that picture says just about everything you could possibly need to know about them. That blond lump attempting to eat my head is my brother Adam, with whom I spent yesterday, because he is a very nice Munchkin and came home from college for the weekend to see me before I leave (yeah, yeah, and to see his friends and girlfriend-type-person, whatever, I'm totally more important.) Since my parents have abandoned me on my last weekend in the country to have a romantic weekend away in Vermont (the indignity!), we decided to spend yesterday revisiting our childhood and making the trek down to Mystic Aquarium for the first time since we were approximately six and ten years old, respectively. And it was awesome for the following reasons:

• Awesome thing the first: discount passes from the public library. Yay libraries! Also fighting with the boy because libraries scare him and when I was a kid I wanted to take a sleeping bag and move into one of the shelves. Kind of still do. One of the many reasons I'm convinced we somehow inherited completely mutually exclusive genes.

• Awesome thing the second: Adam's running musical commentary throughout the entire hour-long ride down and back, including an impressive impromptu musical ode to Lenny and Joe's fish restaurant, a moderately disturbing rendition of that rap song with the "Call me Mr. Flintstone, Imma make your bed rock" line, a stunningly accurate sing-along to "As Long as You Love Me" by the Backstreet Boys (?), and, of course, an extended techno version of "Baby Beluga." Speaking of which,

•  Awesome thing tatu (which means three in Swahili, which, sidenote, I definitely only remember because I have 3 tattoos): Belugas. I essentially had the exact same reaction as the four year old standing next to us, which was to babble "Whaley whaley whaley!" in their general direction. I am pathetic but they were amazing and did all kinds of tricks, and seeing animals in general got me all geared up for Safari time in Tanzania. Although now I might be disappointed if they don't do tricks. Or make farting noises on command, like the belugas. Now that's talent.
 

That's all I've got, really, just a nice day with the munchkin before I run away to the other side of the world. It's been nice living at home with the family for the last few months, fights have been rare and generally sub-nuclear, and since I've booked my tickets the pointed comments about boomerang kids have leveled off significantly. My parents far, far surpass graceful empty-nesters - no, they are giddy with excitement at the idea of having the house to themselves again, and while it's been fun, I'm happy to oblige.

Indeed, I'm really looking forward to feeling settled again - I know it won't be for a while, since Tanzania is really a fairly short stopover at four months. I don't know, though, this is the work that I want to do, and if grad school doesn't pan out for next year, which is my assumption at this point (I'm only applying to LSE and essentially as a practice run, I expect to be out at least two years before returning to school), this seems like the kind of work I could happily return to for another year. And who knows, maybe after proving myself someone might even pay me to do it - WILL WORK FOR ROOF, MOSQUITO NET, AND FOOD. ROOF NEGOTIABLE. Stranger things have happened!

ALSO, I've begun packing, which is pretty thrilling. So far only the tools I bought myself have arrived, and I don't know exactly what else is coming yet - it appears that approximately one third of my luggage space will be taken up with tools and supplies, one third by stuff (medicines, toiletries, electronic converters, sleeping bag, sheets, rain gear, etc), leaving a third for clothes. I've got my short-list of clothes laundered and ready to be whittled down as soon as I have the rest of the jewelry supplies here and packed and can see how much space I have remaining. It might be kind of brutal. That said, I'm bringing my Kindle, so that takes one item off of my list, which usually looks like this: 1) Books, 2) Jewelry and supplies, 3) Everything else. Seriously, the purchase was worth it for this trip alone - the number of books I would have needed to survive 4 months would have basically left me with room for a single t shirt and MAYBE a pair of pants, if I was lucky. And I'm not sure how my hosts would feel about Bekka: The Pantsless Wonder. I'm already concerned about cleavagification, as my, erm, shape tends to make everything but turtlenecks look somewhat risque, which is apparently a no-no in Tanzania. So I have to restrain my mouth AND my chest, which will be a full time job before I've even started, you know, that work stuff I'm technically there to do. Whatever happens, it will certainly be an adventure. Someone should probably warn the poor country now.


UPDATE: And then today this happened. This is the kind of entertainment value we're talking about, here. Ridiculous, and also awesome. A little scary to think we share genetic material, though.